elements of self: the mask

i contemplated what sort of mask i would don for this photo for many days. i have read other women's posts about their masks and i see many of the same tendencies in myself. i hide behind many things. certainly my children. i think this is common for many of us mothers. i hide behind excuses....my house is not clean enough to invite friends over, i have not done enough today to chalk the rest of the day up to spontaneous fun with my children, and on and on.

ultimately, i chose these funky glasses to symbolize my mask. i used to always have a funky accessory to hide behind when i went out. something that diverted the attention from the me underneath. i used to wear lots more jewelry, i had many pairs of spiffy glasses, a fun hat, anything that would draw the focus and keep people from seeing the real me. maybe i felt like i wasn't fun enough. maybe i needed to jazz it up a bit so i felt that people wanted to be around me.

a friend of mine recently told me that i am serious. that has hit me hard. i don't want to be serious. i want to be fun, sparkly, spontaneous and full of life! though i don't wear all the accouterments that i once did and am pleased that i do not feel the need to hide behind these disguises, i think i need to bring a bit of that back. perhaps rather than hiding the real, *serious* me, i was helping the spunky fun me to come to the surface.
thanks again to shakti mama for prompting all this introspection. there is much more going on inside this head. i am still working with getting those thoughts to appear here in this space. ;)